Friday, July 24, 2009

Ragnarok The Animation

Ohhh… it’s been a while since I wrote my last review. Yeah, I kind of had to interrupt my Shit Marathon due to some annoying distant relatives coming over (you probably know how that’s like) but now I’m ready and willing, and what better way to celebrate their leave than with a review of a good steaming pile of astronomical shit. Now from the start know that I didn’t watch this completely. Like I watched it for 4 episodes, understood it was no point, got annoyed, saw it for the retarded rat crap it was, just skipped a whole lot of episodes, saw some more useless stuff, then went into a 2 day meditation to cleanse myself. Of course that didn’t work so all I had left to do was… yeah you guessed it… a review. 

When I think about Ragnarok I think that there is no better description than the tag. Just look at it. RPG? What the fuck? So that would make Ghost in the Shell a 3rd person tactical shooter? And does that mean Code Geass is an RTS? Well as it turns out Ragnarok is based on an online game. Well, now the title makes sense, I know why it is ,,The animation”, but… why? With all the shitty video-game based anime, why in the name of fuck would you bother with this one? One might say that since it is online it can do its own story, own characters… and yeah, they could and they did, but… to bad it all reeks of SKUNK ASS. Yeah, is it a surprise?

I can’t say much about the plot cause I didn’t see much like any normal reviewer should do, but with what I saw I can already predict everything: someone want to unleash evil, there is a brother who was supposed to be dead, but he isn’t so he sided with the evil, his ex-best friend will fight him and kill each other, and the 2 main heroes will kill the main antagonist, happy-ending, whoop-de-fucking-doo. I know that maybe for some the plot is what it killed this one, and my complaints would be considered knit-picking, but I think it’s shit-picking. 

What ruined it for me is this… at first I didn’t know it was based on an online game, but by the end of episode 4 I started seeing red life bars and blue magic power bars over the characters. And after some research my theory proved correct. There IS an online game. WOW… this sucks… At first it seemed like small stuff, but as it progressed it got more and more retarded. So, you wanna hear it? I bet you do. So at first what struck me as weird is that many said the word ,,party”. Not party in a ,,Hey where’s the booze” way. Like ,,wanna join our adventure party” kind of way. Who says that? Doesn’t it sound weird? They should say ,,group” or like ,,want to tag along”. Also you can expel members from your party. Guess you might as well delete the facebook contact. Well anyway, the second thing was when someone mentioned ,,adventurers rules”. Ok… so are there rules? I guess the administrator keeps everything in check, so no cheating on the server. But what was even weirder was when one guy said ,,I’m adventurer level 1”. Ok… like who knows that? Is there a magical number over your head which indicates that? And why say this… ,,What skill are you” ,,I’m support”. Ok… so you have stuff like that?  No one (no sane person that is), says ,,I’m support skill, I can heal you and power you up”. Yeah, cause that’s what you hear from healers (who by the way evolve into the priestess class). All the time they say ,,Heal” and ,,Blessing” (to increase luck) and ,,Increase agility” (self explanatory). Did you ever see stuff like that before? Also they have potions. Yeah, to restore hit point or magic point. And guess what they’re called… Seriously, I want you to take a wild fucking guess… Red potion and Blue potion. And I guess I don’t need to explain what does what. Also there are characters with ,,item bags” which have an unlimited amount of storage capacity. Also you see the main character going through town, searching for quests and getting ,,permission”, so in episode 2 they have the quest to kill a golden roach, and there are other online character walking around, but it’s the main heroes that kill it, gain a level up, and all the other characters are praising them. So as the main guy grasps the fact that he actually killed that bastard a card with the roach appears in his hand. That’s it, it appears there, nobody came and gave it to him like ,,Congratulations, here’s your fucking card. Go choke on it”. No, it just appears. And all the other characters start throwing shit at them. At first I though they were angry, but then I realized that they are actually giving them loot, like a reward. And guess what they do? Yeah like in any other MMORPG, they sell the loot. And they say that. They say ,,We sold the loot, let’s go after more on our next adventure”. So there are other things, but you get the idea.

The characters are dumb and uninspiring. The cast is big, but the fact that most of them, by skill are warriors, support or magician, you can probably guess many look the same and, well… are the same. Both the heroes and the villains suck. But it’s the main antagonist that pops up in my mind. His name is The Dark Lord. Uuuuuu… so is Sauron in this anime? What about Frodo and the One Ring? I mean come on… the fact that Dark Lord is cliché enough doesn’t cut, noooo, why not give him a name at all. Even Bambi would be good, like ,,Dark Lord Bambi”, but no… it’s Dark Lord. It’s like his parents fucked in a car and had him, and they never gave a shit about him for the rest of their lives. If you have such an uncreative antagonist, then you might as well blow the DVD you made up in your ass, and not sale it to the unsuspecting public who might actually like the game or the concept. And if you dream about comedy here, then you might as well dream of a giant ant snorting cocaine of an elephant’s snout.

Presentation – bad. Graphics look outdated, character models look like they were recycled from other anime, voice cast is annoying and the music is lame.

In conclusion, this is… the greatest offence to the world of online gaming, and if you think of watching it, then do yourself a favor and just don’t. I beg you. It will kill a lot of brain cells, I assure you. To put it differently... you might as well watch the actuall game and not play it, cause that's how this anime makes me feel.


Anonymous said...

hi there! I watched the whole dvd and well actually I didn't hate it! Not at all! Well I've seen it AFTER I played the game..and probably that makes a HUGE difference..because it didn't bug me the fact that they levelled up and so...bu for ppl who don't live in the MMORPG might (WOULD) be annoying...

still some of the plot (like Alice's/ Maya) was a good one! also..the antagnists are based on RO monsters (dark lord) still well, makes things simpl no?

I HATE Yuufa...

suckmahnutts said...

Roan, could you be dumber? I've had a sh#t with more brains, great concepts though