Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Art of Fighting

Now let me get this straight, the anime itself is not a tragedy... BUT IT'S A FUCKING TRAGEDY THAT I WATCHED IT. The fact that anime-planet doesn't even account for it is proof enough that this shit shouldn't even exist. Like with my Violence Jack review, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to retell the movie a bit. It’s retarded, yes, but I’m sure none of you will ever watch this crap.

First of, it has such a stupid beginning. The moment it starts it shows the title screen for 15 seconds. That’s bad. It’s like they were ashamed they made it, so they just kept the screen for as long as they could. Then you see a guy, who happens to be the main hero, Ryo, chasing a cat on the side of a building. It’s… pathetic. Then his friend comes in his Ferrari, which also happens to be the main hero, Garcia. What a lousy way to introduce the heroes… one is chasing cats and the other comes by in his car. And it’s right from the start, like there is no tension and no expectations. Garcia makes fun of him like the good friend he is, and Ryo says that he needs to keep the cat away from people like Garcia. Is he saying that Garcia may sexually harass the poor animal? Now I have to say… that’s a big insult. Then for no reason Garcia chases this cat as well, so now you see an even more depressing image of 2 pathetic people chasing one sad cat. She enters an apartment through an open window, they go after her, and Garcia acts like he owns the place. Pours himself a glass of scotch, puts a little ice, then ,,accidentally” drops (or throws) the glass out the window. He looks outside and he sees a woman. Now, instead of apologizing that he almost killed her, he asks ,,Do you want to go for a ride to the beach?”. And he makes this stupid face like he is expecting for her to say ,,Yes”. Of course she leaves, and you never see her again. Well what was the point of all this? Just to show you Garcia is a jackass? Now all of a sudden a guy enters the apartment (it is implied it is his apartment) and is being chased by some thugs. These 2 assholes watch as that guy is shot and killed by the thugs, but don’t help him. And all they do is just say ,,Hi”, smile, kick some ass, and run away. And of course they jump through the window of the 3rd floor and land exactly in the seat of the Ferrari. And they have the cat with them. So will they call the cops? Will they take any action? No, they just say ,,Oh, South Town is tough city”. It’s like they are trying to say ,,Oh, well… shit happens. People die every day, why should we care about what we just saw?” But apparently the thugs think that these guys took a diamond that they are looking for. The leader of the thugs goes back to HQ to report, where they find the exact id of the 2 heroes. How did they find them? It’s not like somebody took a picture of them, and I think the description ,,A guy with a ponytail and white costume” isn’t fitting enough to find such accurate data on our guys, so how did they find them? On facebook? Also there is a screen where they show Ryo’s data and… I’m really not making this up… the data says ,,Special ability: carate”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it Karate? You know… with K not C. Also karate isn’t a ,,special ability”. Reading peoples minds is an ability. Make friends with everyone is an ability. Pulling a skateboard out of your ass is an ability. Karate (or Carate) is not an ability. It’s a fighting style.
Now you see another useless scene of them giving the cat to the owner, but the owner points out that its not her cat, so go look some more you dumb spooky shits. So the thugs attack Ryo and Garcia while they are at Ryo’s house and… it’s stupid. At first they hide by clinging on the ceiling fan. Then they kick the shit out of the thugs. Well what was the point in hiding? None… just like the entire OVA. So Ryo takes on their leader – Bear Killer Jack. WOW… another fucking Jack. But this fat asshole doesn’t even compare. Violence Jack was retarded, but he was threatening and frightening. This is just a tub of lard (kind of like LARDUS from s-CRY-ed). So this teddy bear rapist starts punching Ryo, but Ryo looks so calm and happy, it’s like he doesn’t give a shit. But then Jack kicks him so hard he sends Ryo flying through the room and into the wall. And Ryo is like ,,Ohhhh… you trashed my apartment… now I’m pissed” Ok… so the fact he sent you flying through the room doesn’t count? And plus you trashed the apartment yourself you dumb asshole, when you hid on the fan. So now he discovers some hidden strength and punches Jack through the main door. In the meantime Ryo’s sister (yeah we have one of those) gets kidnapped. For fuck’s sake, isn’t she Ryo’s sister? Doesn’t she train with him in fighting arts? If you played King of Fighters (any one of them) then you know that his sister may well even kick Ryo’s ass, not to mention a thug. So why in the love o… oh never mind. So the thugs tell him to bring the diamond to the casino (like there is only one in the entire town) and they will get back the girl. So they go there without the diamond, and the only thing worth mentioning is that the police officer in charge of capturing the crooks, brings out a wrecking ball, starts pounding a perfect legitimate establishment, and arrests everyone for no reason. It’s supposed to be comical, but I’m guessing you know how I feel right now. So they fail, they go look for the diamond, they find it (don’t ask where) and they go again, this time to the bad guys mansion. After they give the diamond, the boss tells them to go fuck themselves, cause he’s not giving the girl. What an asshole. So he enters a chopper, the chopper takes altitude and now Ryo sees a pool trampoline. Don’t tell me… he’s gonna jump from a fucking pool trampoline on a flying chopper? For fucks sake, have a bit of realism. So he easily overpowers the thugs who held him at gun point, and… couldn’t he do that BEFORE the chopper took of? Instead, now he has to jump around like a fucking asshole. So, he jumps, saves his sister, kicks the shit out of the bad guy, the end. What’s worth mentioning is that Garcia fights a woman, and he says ,,Will you give me your phone number if I defeat you?’’. She’s trying to kill you, you dumb fuck, of course she won’t give you her number, she’s going to jail after this for Christ’s sake. Then the ending, as with any shitty anime, just sucks. It shows Ryo chasing another cat, which by the way, LOOKS IDENTICAL TO THE 1st ONE! But his sister is holding the 1st and she tells Garcia that she can’t go with him to the beach cause she has to wash the cat, Sirius. Sirius is the name of the diamond everybody was chasing. So naturally Garcia shit flipped his wig when he heard this. Then come the lousiest explanation to naming a cat, EVER. She explains that the Egyptians worshipped cats and liked to observe the stars. Sirius is the name of a star. So it is appropriate to name THIS cat Sirius. I don’t see the fucking connection here. Well how about I name my dog ,,Turd-ball” saying that Gauls worshipped wolves, and they also took a shit from time to time. So it is appropriate to name my dog ,,Turd-ball”. And in the end i'd like to ask... WHAT THE FUCK IS WORLD TRADE CENTRE DOING HERE? Wasn't it supposed to be in Manhattan? So what's it doing here, in South Town? I don't know, i just don't give a fuck.

Art of Fighting is a good example of a point I’d like to make clear if I haven’t already – video-game based anime… sucks. Oh God it suck. Take for example Devil May Cry (which I reviewed) or Tekken (which I will review), they have shit written and smudged all over them.

I hope you liked this review and expect some more on all the obscure shit your hearts can handle (it’s a surprise my heart can handle it)

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