Monday, June 1, 2009

Pokemon

This time I will not do an actual review of Pokemon, but rather talk about things which I find a bit screwed up. The Pokemon series are legend, and many have seen the series as a child. I watched it as well when I was a kid a found it to be brilliant. But watching it now, I just can’t stop trying to make some sense out of it. The anime, watching it now, is devoid of all logic. But if you watch it you might as well throw logic out the window, cause Pikachu says ,,Fuck logic, you don’t need it.”. So right off the start I’d like to comment on what I usually comment at the end, like sound and graphics. The sound is nice and the graphics are good, although they are childish and sometimes disturbing ( like Brock’s lack of eyes ). Talking about the plot would be really useless, because there isn’t any consistency, just random stuff happening, the suddenly there is a story going on, then suddenly the story ends and you’re back to randomness. There are some labels, but I think you will never see anything like them very often or at all. Family Friendly and Tournaments. WOW. Just with this you can see how ,,serious” the anime gets. Tournaments I can understand, but Family Friendly ? Is that even a label ? It shouldn’t qualify as a label. Action qualifies as a label. Adventure qualifies as a label. Family Friendly doesn’t. It’s like somebody comes up and asks me ,,What kind of music are you listening ?” or ,,What kind of movie are you watching ?” and I say ,,User friendly” or something like that. The label should talk about the genre, not if it’s friendly or not. I mean it’s not a pet or something, it’s just an anime, it won’t wag it’s tail if you pet it.
But now that I got all that out of the way, I want to talk about the reasons I find this anime retarded. I mean it’s not that it isn’t enjoyable as a kid ( and maybe for some more mature audiences ), but it throws away all logic.
So where do I begin ? The food. Now picture this : the entire world is filled with pokemons. The fish are pokemon, the birds are pokemon, the insects are pokemon and the mammals are pokemon. So…. WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY EAT ? Rice, bread and seaweed ? What about meat ? They never show if they kill and cook a pokemon, and they never even talk about it. I’ve never even seen hunting weapons in the entire series. So where is all the meat coming from. At least if they would name some food, to give you an idea that it’s meat, for example ,,Beef ala Bulbasar” but nooo you see some random shapes and colors to give you an idea that it’s some kind of food, and you’re thinking ,,Oh what’s that, flaming horse testicles ? Oh what’s this, Pikachu chops ( like lamb chops ) ? “. I always thought that the series are made by some vegetarians.
Another fuck up are the doctors and policewomen. The doctors ALL LOOK THE SAME, and the policewomen ALL LOOK THE SAME. They try to explain this by saying that they’re all sisters and cousins, but why are they all named the SAME ? Plus who is they’re mother, some woman who instead of a vagina has a Stargate + clone-factory and children just morph out of it ? And Brock, who falls in love so easily, says to each and everyone of them that she’s more beautiful than the previous. WHAT ? THERE IS A DISTINCTION ? THEY ALL LOOK THE FUCKING SAME ! I can’t tell one from the other, especially since they all have the same name ! So Brock statement is very stupid, dumb no-eyed bitch.
Another problem is how they communicate ( the pokemons I mean ). They show how humans don’t understand at first, but in time they easily perceive what the pokemons are trying to say. Ok…. But how do the pokemons understand EACH OTHER ? It’s not like they have a specific language, like a common one. I would even accept gibberish, for example ,,burtha almi jrtur olaf ( I screwed your mother ) “. But no, all they say are they’re own names, but with occasional stutters. So I made a theory. The stutter is actually Morse Code. And all the pokemons know Morse Code, and that’s how they understand each other. But even with this theory questions arise, like WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT THEM MORSE CODE ? Well fucking figure it out for yourselves.
Another strange thing is the pokeball. 1) How does it transform even the biggest motherfucker into a small enough creature to fit inside the ball ? How do they live inside the balls ? Do they have unlimited food, hot water and cable TV ? 2) Why is it that every time someone throws a pokeball, they yell ,,Pokeball, GO !” ? I can understand when a pokemon is inside, but why yell even when it is empty ? Is the ball self-aware ? Imagine if you don’t yell and the ball just says ,,Screw this shit, I’m not going”. So the ball is a real mystery.
Another mystery is they’re evolution. How do they evolve ? It’s not like intense hibernating or skin shedding or anything. It’s like a quick flash, you don’t even see it coming. And they suddenly transform from small into big, with different shapes growing around and colors appearing. There is no ,,In between” the first and the second transformation form. Plus it is never explained what triggers that evolution. How come some are long transformed ( like Charmander into Charizard ) but others show no sign of it ( Pikachu never EVER evolves ) ? Again, there is no logic. Perhaps it happens when they fell like they want to evolve, and Pikachu doesn’t want yet to do that.
One more mystery is Team Rocket. They are the villains of the show. My main question with them is… WHERE THE FUCK DO THEY GET ALL THEIR MONEY ? I mean there is an episode when they get fired, so logically they shouldn’t have any equipment or money to buy it. So how come every time they show up, they have another fucking balloon and many weird looking gadgets. It’s not like these things are laying on the ground. So where are these things coming from ? Also… WHY ARE THEY SO HELL BENT ON CAPTURING PIKACHU ? It’s not like he is the last pokemon on earth. Yet they always try, and always fail. Get a life.
So these are my main questions, but you can be sure there are a lot more ( although I’m never going to talk about them ). So I’m sure that when you were a kid, and watched Pokemon, you never thought about these things, but it is my duty to bring them to light.
Pokemon is a cult classic, and beyond the veil of illogic, is a fun experience. Although I recommend it only to children.

3 comments:

xXxHolic said...

the opening is a legend...almost cried

PoVeeD_La said...

Love your posts!!!

I would really appreciate if you found the time and will to write an adequate and objective review on the best anime that has ever existed since 1987...Sailor Moon. Thank you in advance, I trust your good taste ;)

Animenerdz said...

thank you for the request..will do that