UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie

OOOOOk… time to finish up with the Shit Marathon. I know I dragged it for a long time, but I had a bit of setbacks. At least I didn’t post anything else or watch anything else, so… you could still say I did a Marathon. Soon I will put these dreaded memories behind me, but now I think it’s time to dig in a big pile of shit. And I can say we certainly saved the worst for the last. What can I briefly say about it? Well let’s put it this way… if there would be a town called Retard-town, then UFO Ultramaiden would be the mayor, and FLCL and s-CRY-ed would be on the city council (more like the shitty council). 

From the start, I wasn’t expecting much, cause just by looking at the genre you can already guess that this is not my thing. But I could put up with this kind of stuff if it would make some sense. And… yes, it makes sense. If you would discard the freaks walking around, the stupid and cheesy explanations and the overall retarded and caveman-simple plot, then it would make sense why you are watching it. The setting is some kind of futuristic era, when humankind developed space-travel and interacts with a shit-load of many intergalactic fucker-nauts and astro-bastards. That would explain all the freaks walking around. But the plot (if you can call it that) revolves around Kazuto and Valkyrie. Val is the one you see on the image. Both of them. Confused? Well apparently when Val crashed into Kazuto’s bath-house, which he runs, Val killed him. So since she cares so much for total strangers (maybe some kind of fetish, I don’t know) she gives half her soul to Kazuto so he could live. Hmmm… ok, but does it heal injuries? If a giant ship crashed into my house and killed me, I would be more worried with the heavy injuries sustained, NOT ABOUT A HALF OF A SOUL WHICH DOESN’T DO JACK SHIT! But anyway, since she did that, now she has a connection with Kazuto. The only problem is that she turned into an 8 year old. So in order to change back to the way she was, she has to kiss Kazuto, and then she can also unleash her ridiculous amount of power. So now they both try to run the bath-house, and as the series progresses, more and more characters come along to join in. But the plot has NO consistency. It’s just a bunch of random stuff mashed together to form this anime. There is nothing linear, and there is nothing to keep you going really, cause frankly… nothing changes. Each episode is the same: no matter what happens during the episode, the ending is always the same. It’s like no matter what happens, nothing seems to influence any of the characters and any of the ,,story”. In conclusion, instead of a good plot they just have a bunch of shitty sub-plots. 

As I said before, this is the mayor of Retard-town. Everything makes no sense, and it’s so cheesy you’re wondering ,,Did those who made this ACTUALLY intended to release it?”. Seriously, I’m like ,,What were they thinking?”. How can one come up with this, it’s bad. Everything that happens, I presume it’s to be for comic relief, but the jokes are on you if you watch this piece of shit for comedy. Since they placed the setting in an intergalactic era and introduced a bunch of ridiculous aliens, then why not just put the shit-cherry on top. Everyone is over-reacting (if you could believe something like this in an anime), and doing ridiculously insane things. For example, a maid of Val thinks Kazuto is Val’s fiancé so she zaps every girl he interacts with. With what does she zap? A gun that transforms every human into a cat-like person. That is, the person who was zapped grows cat ears and a tail. Yeah, I’m stunned at the amount of originality. So this new breed must serve Val and Kazuto under the direct orders of the crazy maid. And crazy is really an understatement, she looks like she belongs in the Looney-bin (that is a place for people that think monsters live in their ass and that Mickey Mouse is actually real). So I can give hundreds of examples, but my point is the same. One recurring moment will be the moment they transform from child state into adult state. It takes for like 1 minute, and I understand showing it once, BUT WHY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME. It’s not like something changes, it’s always THE SAME.

The cast is pretty standard, just one guy and a bunch of girls (some of which are aliens). Their personalities are simple and cliché. The guy is dense and can see that there are certain people who love him, there is a big-breasted girl which is Val’s sister and acts like an antagonist at first, but befriends everyone at the end, and the are enough girls to form love-triangles, but ,,unfortunately” one can’t express her feelings (obviously) and there is another who wants to express her feelings, but isn’t given the opportunity (or something like that). So these 2 act as rivals for Val, but all she cares about is being together with Kazuto and enjoy a care-free life full of love. How sweet. But even more ridiculous are the alien characters. If our galaxy really had such races living in it, then it’s one fucked-up galaxy. The male aliens look like they were drawn by a kinder-gardener. Some look like pink blobs, others are small white sackless balls, and… A GIANT BANANA WITH LEGS? Ok, but why do the female aliens look so sexy. You constantly get a nude view of them with their giant breasts, and the only difference between human females and alien females, is that the alien ones have only one animal feature like a dog tail, or cat ears or horns. What is this, the anime version of Doctor Munroe’s Island? 

The presentation is lame, but I didn’t expect much. They feel appropriate for 2002, so that’s kind of a compliment. Character models are simple for some and ridiculously colored and over-complex for others. Music is… shit. And the English dub, like for many (if not all) anime from this genre simply sucks. It’s like they didn’t even try, they just picked some amateurs of the street and said ,,Hey, want to do the voice work for a piece of crap” and the amateurs were like ,,Sure, yeah, have nothing better to do to waste my time”. 

In the end I was thinking for who it was intended. Little kids is out of the question, cause there is a fair amount of nudity. And a more mature audience is out of the question, cause it’s to retarded. It’s stupid, it’s so cute that it’s making me sick, and presentation sucks Pikachu’s anal fur. Overall, it’s a piece of shit, end of story.  

Cowboy Bebop The Movie

After watching Cowboy Bebop: The Movie you feel like you kind of reconnected with an old friend. It's got the same sense of humor, the same style and you recognize it from the very beginning, but at the same time, it's matured. Everything's back in Cowboy Bebop the movie. Because of the characters and plot as we know it, the movie probably occurs somewhere in the late twenties episodes of the series. If you've already watched the series (which I reviewed over here), then certain things don't surprise you since you already know what happens to the characters later. The story deals with a bio-terror threat and the gang gets caught up in it, while trying to catch bounties to make a little change while in an urban city. There is unfortunately no space travel or dogfights in space, but The Movie does take efforts to include a little of everything that the series has had, so expect to see Spike's martial arts, gunplay, dogfights (but not in space), Edward being silly and very funny and such.
Unfortunately, the story only lives up to the standard of a stand-alone episode of Cowboy Bebop. But despite it being longer than an episode, you actually get the feeling that you watch 2 episodes, and not a single episode, dragged the shit out of. The visual art, on the other hand, is still gorgeous and the movie benefits from an improved budget for the animation, as everything, from backgrounds to characters, are treated with a wonderful level of detail. There are a few scenes involving some butterflies that are absolutely beautiful to look at.
Overall, Cowboy Bebop: The Movie is a fun ride. Although, in the end, it's not as strong as the more compelling episodes of the series, the art, the sound, the music and just getting to spend a little more time again with characters you've come to know and love makes an enjoyable film. Recommended for Cowboy Bebop fans. As for the others. You MUST watch at least most of the series before watching this. After close to two hours of comedy, violence and mind-f**k plot developments, you will truly be thanking me for making you watch this movie. All in all, this is, in my humble opinion, one of the best anime productions, if not, movies overall that I have ever seen. With one of the most memorable fight scenes ever made in anime history as well as an excellent plot, Cowboy Bebop: Knocking on Heavens Door is highly recommended to everyone, and actually required viewing for all anime and Cowboy Bebop fans.



Graphics 9/10
Sound 9/10
Storyline 10/10
Characters 10/10
Overall 9.5/10

Mobile Suit Gundam SEED

This time I’m reviewing another mecha, and I think this one is one of the most brilliant mecha productions out there. Gundam SEED. No… no it’s not about Gundam jerking off and releasing his seed. SEED refers to some kind of evolution, but I will let you reveal that for yourselves. At first it seems kind of standard, kind of ,,been there done that”, nothing special… but as you continue, each episode gets more and more interesting and the story gets more intense. If you haven’t changed the screen yet, then I think you might be interested in what I have to say, so here are my thoughts on this one.

The story is set in the Cosmic Era. The series begins with the Bloody Valentine War between Earth and the colonies. On one side is the Earth Alliance, and on the opposite are the space colonies that form ZAFT (Zodiac Alliance of Freedom Treaty). Mankind is divided over human genetic engineering, with normal humans known as "Naturals" and the genetically altered humans known as "Coordinators", which have enhanced physical and mental capabilities. While ZAFT has a head start on mobile suit design, the Earth Alliance quickly catches up with its five prototype Gundams. With ZAFT having stolen four of the prototypes, young Coordinator Kira Yamato pilots the GAT-X105 Strike Gundam and is forced to fight his old friend Athrun Zala. Little do they know that there exist sinister forces working to bring events that go far beyond their worst nightmares. One thing that I complain about in most mecha anime, and it’s nothing major, but… why in the name of holy fuck do they have teenagers pilot giant-ass robots, and kill a lot. I mean it’s not something rare in mecha anime, to have teenagers pilot mecha suits, so it gets old and you’re like ,,Well that’s a fucking surprise… haven’t we seen this already?”. It also makes me think that anyone can do it, even I. Imagine I just go in one of those things, pull something and the robot will… play… frigging Mozart or something like that. And the pilots instantly go from ,,I can’t handle this” to ,,I’m a fucking expert”. There is nothing in between; they get accustomed to it so quick that it’s almost ridiculous. But anyway, that doesn’t mean that this is a big complaint, it’s just a minor detail I encounter a lot, and I’m sure you encounter it a lot as well. Still this thing influences the story a lot cause it shows how Kira gets troubled about many things (e.g. Can’t protect someone) since he is at an age that doesn’t have much life experience, and it also helps at character development and how he interacts with others.

So there are enough plot twists and drama to make an intriguing story, but it’s the war, the epic battles and the awesome action that attracts you to this. Cause that’s what you expect from it, right? Giant robots with guys inside piloting them, pushing God knows what to make them tango if they have to, and battling each other to the death. If you expect mind numbing action and great battles, then Gundam SEED delivers exactly what you expect. One minor problem is that the battles sometimes get too repetitive. You see the same bad guys fighting the same good guys and the outcome is always the same… bad guys flee, good guys win. And when somebody actually gets hurt or killed (yes, we have such moments… we must have such moments), the pacing changes a bit and you feel like you get a breath of fresh air. Sometimes the enemies change as well, and the battlefields (it’s not always in space), and you get something new. But repetitiveness remains an issue. Imagine you play basketball with the same friends, with the same outcome… 10 TIMES IN A FRIGGING ROW. But aside from that, the battles are awesome, and even if it gets repetitive, you’ll still watch every one of them.
The character cast is big, but not so diverse. It has a lot of characters that don’t influence things much (e.g. Kira’s friends) and are there just for shits and giggles. Sometimes they help for character development, sometimes they actually do something worthy, like helping Kira in battle, but most of the times you get the feeling like you can do without them. And worst is that they don’t have anything worth mentioning and act the same, like they all do and say the same things. Also some of them feel like they were copied from other anime. But at least they don’t interfere much, and the story focuses on what it’s supposed to focus… Kira and Athrun: the 2 friends that have to battle each other. These 2 you focus your attention the most on, and the other characters feel like they are there just to help these 2 progress. It’s hard to explain, but… it’s like if you think about your life as an anime series, then all the other characters in your life are there to help you progress in the story. But even though I think that some characters are useless, I also think that they did a good job with the cast, and I’m sure that very few (if at all) share my opinion about uselessness.
Presentation is flawless. You have to remind yourself that it’s 2002, so naturally if you watch it now it will feel outdated, but for 2002 it is well done. Character models are good, but feel copied while some feel like they are the foundation for future models. At least they are distinct amongst each other, and don’t get repetitive. But what makes this one good is the coloring. Not just special effects but also characters and objects get the same coloring treatment, which reflect personalities and make things eye pleasing. Voice cast (I’m talking about dub) is believable, even though sometimes feels forced, and sound effects are realistic. The opening(s) and ending aren’t memorable for me, but the music that accompanies the action always feels in-place.

Overall, this is a must see for all of you mecha or sci-fi fans, and I promise that you will not be disappointed. And if you don’t believe me, as proof, look at its ratings and read forums. It’s not just a winner for male viewers, but also has a lot of girl fans. So if you’re busting your balls (or something else if you don’t have balls) on what to see next, you should give this one a try.

Cowboy Bebop

Really, Cowboy Bebop truly is a series that should need no introduction to any anime fan visiting this blog. Really, if you didn't see it, press Alt+F4. However, for anyone unfamiliar with this show, I will write a little intro. It's basically about space bounty hunters. Yeah, that's it. Well, there is more, like plenty of classy stories and dark morals along the way, for example, there was at the end of an episode , don't remember which one, the moral was "don't leave anything in the fridge". So, if you like action, space or comedy, you might like Cowboy Bebop. If you like old time bounty hunter or detective movies, you'll probably like Cowboy Bebop. If you like dark stories with twists that really make you feel for the characters, you'll like Cowboy Bebop. If you like stories about some guy leaving the mob but getting always sucked back into it, you'll enjoy Cowboy Bebop. This is one series you don't have to be an anime fan to appreciate, but you have to be willing to give it a chance.
The plot consists of the 26 sessions (don't call them episodes), which are almost never linked to one another, contrary to most animes. That what makes it hard to tell when a story involving chasing a bounty could later turn into an important puzzle piece in the plot. Compared to other anime, Bebop reigns supreme (along with a couple of others), and puts kids shows like Dragon Ball Z and Pokemon (which are virtually plotless in the light of Cowboy Bebop) to shame.
The central story revolves around a man named Spike and his past with the Red Dragon Syndicate. From the beginning his story unfolds in flashback, detailing his time in the syndicate and his relationships with the two people that figure most in his life, Julia (his ex-lover) and Vicious (his former friend turned enemy turned gay...OK, cut the gay part). However, Cowboy Bebop is never depicted, and should never be considered as a one-man series. The subplots involving Jet (an ex-cop that owns the ship), Faye (a hot chick that joins Spike and Jet) and Edward (something that resembles a boy and is a girl) are highly engaging (and in the case of Edward, really funny) and show how much stronger a series can be when the full cast is utilized. I won't say much more about the story other than it's quite unlike anything out there at the moment. The animation is also of a high quality and for a change the English dub is actually very good, so if you want to watch it, you won't have to bother reading. The music is also incredible. After watching this you're gonna' start loving jazz. So I will stop here and probably go back to watching this series all over again for the 11th time.

Graphics 9/10
Sound 9/10
Storyline 10/10
Characters 10/10
Overall 9.5/10

Macross Frontier

So, after the Dragon Ball marathon, I believe I fulfilled my duty to the legendary anime, but now I think it’s time to move on. Now I know you’re waiting for a shitty anime review, but I want to talk about another favorite. The reason for this is that it’s all you would expect, and more, from a sci-fi and action anime. With this one, Animenerdz opinions and mine differ because of our different tastes. As you can see I am a more mecha and sci-fi fan. But I think that with this one, you don’t have to be a fan of the genre to truly enjoy it, and see why it is so acclaimed. While it doesn’t offer the same experience as Code Geass, cause it doesn’t have a story as amazing as Code Geass, or many twist and turns in the plot, but it does deliver a good experience. The plot is that after being threatened by extinction at the hands of alien invaders called the Zentradi, humanity undertook the task of guaranteeing itself a future by launching fleets of colony ships into space. On Macross Frontier, one such fleet, high school student Saotome Alto's life is changed forever: the fleet is suddenly attacked by unidentified creatures while he is performing aerial stunts for a concert by the wildly popular idol Sheryl. Alto quickly finds himself in the cockpit of a new-model fighter struggling to protect Ranka Lee, a young girl he met only hours earlier, from the invaders' swath of destruction. Noting his performance during this incident, the S.M.S. Skull Squadron private military company invites Alto to join their organization, where he continues protecting his friends and Macross Frontier.
So, as you can see the setting is good for some nice action. One complaint ( one that you will frequently notice in my mecha anime reviews ) is that the main hero, the awesome pilot, IS A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. You know it’s nice when you see one or two anime in which the hero that pilots the badass, newest model of mecha suit is just a kid but COME ON ! How many anime do you need with such idea. Well we will talk about that later on but right now I want to praise this one. First of all, let’s start with the opening theme. Just by listening it you can already tell that the musical score in this anime is freaking AWESOME. Every song is a treat and it always fits the mood perfectly, and always helps change it. The character cast is big, it has a lot of variety, with examples of different social status and occupations. Most importantly, each and every character acts the part he is supposed to act. A president will feel like he really is a president, a general will really feel like he is a general and a soldier will act the part. Although I have to say, some of them live some awkward drama, that really don’t make much sense. For example, the main character, Alto, is struggling to figure out if he did the right thing by becoming a pilot instead of some kind of Japanese theater actor. WHAT THE FUCK ! Are you serious ? Are you really wondering if you should have remained an actor and frequently play female roles ? What is there to decide ? I mean honestly if I come up to you and ask ,,Would like to play transvestite roles, and make out with men, or would you rather pilot the newest most badass fighter that can transform into a humanoid robot suit ? I think the choice is obvious. Yet he ponders about it like FOREVER. Also there is a lot of drama going on. For example both Ranka Lee and Sheryl fall in love with Alto, yet he can’t chose one of them. Well that’s easy, just propose a threesome. Just kidding, but the point is that sometimes the drama feels unnecessary and a bit dumb. But it doesn’t spoil the mood. Also I like the enemy because they offer a sense of true and imminent danger, and they are really hard to beat, which heightens the suspense. The action here is more based on epic space battles, but there are moments with more personal confrontations, without any fighters or robots, just a your two feet and a big gun. The best example is episode 20 which is also the most dramatic one. The battles are epic and the visual effects certainly are a eye pleasing. Animation-wise, Macross Frontier is certainly better that it’s predecessors, but I think they aren’t quite the best I’ve seen ( personally I think the best are in Code Geass and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd Gig ). I mean they are good, and use a lot of coloring and laser-show effects, and the character models are beautiful, but there are times when they lose some of it’s sharpness. It’s like the graphics devolve a couple o years for a few seconds, and then they come back. These are minor gliches, and they aren’t really noticeable, but they are still there. The sound department is flawless. I already commented on the musical score, how it is one of the best out of all the anime I watched, and the sound effects are realistic. Voice work is good, it fits every character nicely and the singing steals the highlight. Overall, this is one of the best sci-fi, outer space anime in the market ( well at least presently cause you never know what might come up ). Also I would like to point out the fact that this is ONE of the best not THE best, so I’m still looking for that one, but if someone of you might know, please write it in a comment so that you might see that anime review.